Usually I get hit with "The Funk" in the fall when the leaves are changing (somewhere other than CA) and the air turns crisp in the morning (somewhere other than CA) but for some reason I have it now as the mornings get hot and humid and the mosquitos come out (somewhere other than CA, thank goodness). I keep getting hit with memories from my childhood and I'm, well, just homesick for the green grass and rolling hills of home and mostly for the people that I left behind. I just realized that I am coming up on 15 years of being gone and I can't help but wonder what I missed. The life I didn't live because I left. I know it's easy to turn it around and say, "But look at everything you've gained." I know. But I don't want to. I need to be stuck here for a little bit.
Yesterday I took my boys to swimming lessons and as I checked on my 3 yr. old who was sitting in time out for not listening (shocker) I slowly turned my head to see my 6 yr. old doing the backstroke for the first time and tears streamed down my face (as they are right now). He was so good, he looked like a natural and then he crashed into the lane ropes....just like his mommy used to do. I spent my summers at the pool practicing with my swim team. Our Saturdays were meet days. Backstroke was my favorite and best stroke. I can still feel the nerves. I can still see my parents in the stands. I can still see my dad giving me the slight nod that told me to, "Go get em". I can feel myself pulling up on the block and exploding into a backward dive as the gun went off.
Where did the time go?? Now I watch my boy reach back with his long arms and reach for the wall but instead find it with his head and I laugh, because I remember, and I give him "the nod" that let's him know that I'm proud, and he smiles.
Enjoy your summer!!
xoxo-H
3 comments:
okay... you made me want to cry. How sweet it is to remember the past alongside your future.
Stop looking back and wondering what you missed and keep looking forward on what there is to gain. It is great to look back and ponder childhood memories, but never think you "missed" anything by the choices you made. Nothing in life is "missed" by the choices we make, only gains can be met in the paths we take.
OK, I have to think that somehow we were reincarnated from the same being... Loved your comments about swimming, brought back many memories from my swimteam days. I look forward to my girl finding a sport she loves and watching her. Precious to hear your love of your son. Happy summer!
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