Fermember When. Update(ish).

Man I miss Wisconsin.  We were supposed to go back for the first 2 weeks of August but since that is when baby girl is due we had to postpone the trip.  There is just something about "home".  When life gets stressful I just want to run to the open space of home.  Well, actually I want to curl up in a ball on my parents big couch and stare out the window at the open field below and the green hills in the distance.  If I'm lucky (and I am very "luckey" to have grown up in such a beautiful place) I will see a momma deer and her baby grazing in the field below as the hawks fly overhead.  It really is an amazing spot to sit and think or not think and just observe. Now I have to wait until Christmas to go back, which is also magical, but damn cold.

So, there really isn't that much of an update except that we are getting closer.  Birthmom's Dr. said her due date is August 7th-August 17th...what the hell does that mean.  Doesn't this Dr. know that I need a date? A single date?  Even if that date doesn't mean much, I need a date, not a range, ugh!  I'm thinking it is still the 7th and that "range" (stupid range) is just to say she could go late.  Well, I know that, but still....I need a single date.  Okay, that rant is over.  The boys and I head up to where she lives on July 31st to be there when she heads to the hospital. My hubby will fly up once I call him.  He is still really, really hoping that he gets to attend a big bachelor party weekend with his high school friends on August 6-9th, yep, her due date weekend, uh oh.  I hope he gets to go too because he really wants to see his "guys", but of'course he will miss it if baby girl arrives.  He is hoping baby girl arrives August 12th.  I am hoping for August 1st.

The birthmom and I are not talking as much.  At first it really upset me (as in sad, not mad).  Now I think it is a good choice.  Leave it to a 16 year old to let me know when we need some distance.  She was even kind enough to tell me I hadn't done anything wrong, she is just having a harder time talking to me as the due date approaches.  She completed her hospital plan with the social worker and faxed it to the hospital.  As of now we will be able to come to the hospital to visit the baby in the nursery but she doesn't want to see us and doesn't want to know we're there.  Just too hard for her.  She wants the baby with her the whole time in the hospital.  I can't help but wonder if after all that time she will be able to let her go.  And if she can't, I don't blame her and I won't be mad at her at all.  Yes, I will be disappointed and I am sure will need to be institutionalized....just kidding....a couple stiff drinks will help, ha.  But I know that this decision is completely hers and if she changes her mind, that is her right.  Our daughter is out there somewhere, if not here in our home state than across the ocean in Ethiopia, so we will see (hopefully soon).

I think it's the cumulative stress of the last 3 months that I am dealing with.  The suicide of my friend and this domestic adoption roller coaster.  I will have 6 weeks off of work, which I plan on taking no matter what happens.  At the end of this I will either have my baby girl in my arms or be heading to some tropical island for some R&R :)

Thank you again for everyone's kind words and support.  I am soaking it all up!