I dream a lot. I always have. And they are so real. You know that disturbing feeling you have when you wake up because you were so sure what you were dreaming was reality?
Lately I have had so many dreams about Heather. I didn't dream about her at all when I was home for her services, but when I got home the gates blew open.
They are sweet dreams really. I wrap my arms around her freckled shoulders and she rests her head on my waiting shoulder and I tell her I love her.
I see her across a crowded park and I drop whatever is in my hands and go running to her. I reach her and hug her and tell her I'm sorry and that I'm here for her and I'm so relieved that she is still alive and that I have another chance to be with her.
When I wake up I am so disturbed that it was just a dream. It's just heartbreak all over again. I try to find the sweetness in the dreams. I try to hold onto the feeling of having my arms around her. It feels so real that when I really concentrate I can feel it. If I can let myself go "there" I can believe that her spirit is visiting me. It feels like she is surrendering to the heaviness of her life when she lays her head on my shoulder and I am there to catch her.
Dreams can be so disturbing and so beautiful, then again, so can life.
6 comments:
I'm so jealous, I have never had a dream about a deceased loved one. Is it weird to say I think you should
"enjoy" these dreams? I think you are having them for a reason so don't be sad by them...just relish the chance to hug her one more time. I'm pretty sure that's what Heather would want.
I'm sorry for your loss, Maybe this is a way for you to be assured that she is OK and happy where she is. I imagine how heart breaking that could be. I have had those life like dreams too .
I have had dreams like this before, too. Mine were a little different because I felt happy or relieved to see the loved ones again. Maybe the way your friend left you makes these dreams feel so disturbing.
I once had a dream about a favorite who had just died. She came to me in the dream and I started telling her how much I loved her I was starting to cry and she stopped me. She laughed in my face and she said it was absurd to feel like that because she was just in a different place and there was nothing to be sad about. She was the kind of person who would rather have had you celebrate her in life, to keep enjoying things. After that I was much less afraid of dying and I did really feel like she visited me that night. I never dreamed of her again.
It's a hard time, to lose a contemporary, especially this way. I'm glad you talked about it here.
Christine
I am glad you are having these dreams, or they are happening to you, however you want to look at it.
Your friend is visiting. Enjoy your time with her.
I am a total dreamer too. And, I had dreams after loosing my grandpa and Mike's mom. They kind of freaked me out a little at first. But, really I remember them to this day and they bring me joy. I feel like they were just checking up on me and letting me know they are okay. I am sure Heather just wants you to know she is happy and in peace now.
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