We have a friend visiting and he asked me how old she would be when she realized she was black and we were white and how we thought she would feel, and I swear I felt like a knife stabbed through my heart. Not because I haven't thought about it, read about it, asked about and talked about it but because I just don't want her to hurt and because I love her so much that I am so scared that she will reject me. Oh boy, tears just welled up in my eyes when I said that. And I know she will hurt and I know she will go through times that she will reject me and I know that love isn't enough. But I want it to be because I love her more than I ever knew possible and I just want it all to be okay.
But I guess only time will tell and in the meantime I will just wonder.
5 comments:
I was wrong about that love thing - it turns out love is enough. Remember what my dad said:
'Love is the source of the energy and intellect for the solutions and understanding for the parents (all of them) and the child.'
Not to say it won't be hard, it will. But you don't know when or how A will react and so you love her love her love her until then and then go from there.
I love you, Harmony! No words of advice from this inexperienced mama....but a big ol' HUG. You're doing a wonderful job, by the way.... xoxo
Harmony,
I have a student, age 16, that was adopted over a year ago. I recently asked her this question, and her answer was inspiring. She told me that she is sure our daughter will go through hard times with questioning, but if we can hold on the the fact that we are giving this child an amazing opportinuty for a wonderful, loving life (not saying that that her life could have been great in ET, but my student will go on for hours and hours as to how females are treated), so if we can hold on to this, she feels in time, our daughter will see this, too (esp. if we take her to visit ET, which we plan on). You seem like an amazing mom, so I would not worry much, but I do know what it is like to love something so much it hurts, so I do get it.
I wonder about these same wonderings. xo to you.
I am with you.....gosh, I ask myself these questions often. I wonder if she loves me, if she is bonded quite a lot. Sometimes it is there, and sometimes it isn't. I know we are on a roller coaster at times, but those highs have to make it all worth it.
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