Fermemberwhen. A Good Cry.

Today was a rough day.  They just come out of the blue for me.  It is often when I am not feeling well physically....somehow that brings up all the emotional crude that is stuffed down deep.  Then I have a dream....a vivid, realistic dream. The kind that shakes you to the core.  I dreamt that I was with Heather and her sister and her sister was so mad at her and I kept telling her sister, "She doesn't know what happens, just enjoy the time you have with her now." Heather was so confused so I just rubbed her back as we walked and told her it was okay. Then I woke up and it wasn't okay because I had to let her go again.  And I still don't understand and can't believe that she took her own life.  How could she do that?  There are some days that I can tell myself that she was in so much pain and that now she is at peace, but today was not one of those days.  Today I was in shock and sadness.  Today was a day that I fought tears in my art room, at my boys' soccer games, in the car with Baby Girl and then finally after I put her down for a nap I crawled into my big chair and just let go.
My 7 yr old asked me yesterday why we have tears when we are feeling sad...hmm...I don't know, but sometimes a good cry is exactly what we need.